Wow...it has been almost a week since I have been able to post. Well me, hubby, and the kids went down South for Thanksgiving. The day that we left, I felt my stomach churn because I was not looking forward to going to the place my husband had the affair and be around the family that knew the person he had the affair with. The details are still fuzzy as to whether they knew about it or not, but my guess is there was at least one that was clued in and the others may have had an idea...but I don't know. When I got down there, I did not ask any questions about it. I just let it be because I didn't want to cause myself anymore pain and honestly, they had long forgotten about it. I can't change the past and I know what happened...at least according to what I have been told by my husband. Ughhh. It's still a sore spot.
Anyway...everyone was nice and friendly and it slowly started to feel like it used to when I visited. I felt safe and comfortable. The only time I felt really bad is when we went to see his oldest sister and boyfriend and I felt my heart beat out of my chest at the anxiety of being around them along with everyone else. It was a scary feeling. I could feel her boyfriend's eyes on me. I was wondering if I was being compared to someone or being judged...it just wasn't a good feeling. I talked to his oldest sister and we chatted about tons of stuff, but then we talked about how we were having marriage problems and she said that we have been together so long that nothing is going to happen to us. I got to know a few of the people that were there and then we left. We spent the rest of the evening at his cousins house and had a great time. I could tell she had no clue because it didn't even come up and knowing her...she would have brought it up. She and I got our favorite bbq and we just hung out with everyone and the kids. The only other time I felt kinda bad was when his younger sister, who was friends with the girl, asked me my age. When I told her, she said she thought that I was younger. She also asked her brothers age. The girl he had an affair with was 23. 10 years younger than me. After that, we did go to visit my mother-in-law and we took her out to a very nice dinner at Red Lobster. She enjoyed it very much and it was good to see out of the rehabilitation center. I ended up giving her a bracelet and she and I had a good talk about things that were going on. She definitely thinks highly of her son (hubby) and she struggles to believe he was capable of the affair or at least the one that could have persued it. After that, we spent some more time with family and then the next morning we headed home. On the way home, I still felt the pain of the past, but I tried not to let it get to me too much. When we got home, we watched an NFL game and then hung out together. We had a pretty good day and I felt close to him. We talked about traveling, but he said the he didn't want to go anywhere together until I was in a better place. Made sense because I wouldn't want that to ruin a trip either. So now we are going about things for the most part. I just need to find a new counselor because I was not happy with the one we had.
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