How its been going...

Well things have been ok. I had an emotional melt down around my birthday. My husband had good intentions for making me have a good birthday, but a disagreement in the morning had killed the mood. Dinner that weekend with another couple didn't improve things. I was, again, looking for some serious attention, and didn't feel that I was getting it. I just started spiraling into a place where I was starting to shut my feelings off. It's the only way I know how to keep myself from getting hurt. Lately, I have been a little less attentive...and of course...he has picked up on the attentiveness. Thats the pull and push of a relationship. I did come to a point this past weekend around Feb 6th where I told him, while watching a movie with a scene of infidelity, that I just wasn't OK with what happened (not that I hadn't said it before). I just exploded and told him that I didn't know if I would ever be OK with it. I really had come to the end of our marital rope. I told him that I would setup counseling again. We also agreed not to make any serious decisions yet. So Monday, he text me and told me that he loved me and that he hoped we continue to grow old and grayer together. I have to admit that it tugged at my heart and brought a few tears to my eyes. I really would like to see that happen also, but it has to be walking hand-in-hand together with the same values and same goals. We shall see...in the end, it all depends on him. I'm a better person and know that I want a good soul by my side. : ) God is my number one love and in the end I just want to be in peace with him. The rest will work itself out and it all will be according to his will.