So since my last post, I cautiously write that things have gotten better. Trust is such a fragile thing, when broken it totally takes time to rebuild it...no matter what anyone says...
I'm now at the part of my journey where it's building, but I'm still trying to learn to forgive, let go, and allow myself to be vulnerable enough to fully trust him again. We are attending church regularly, and are engaged in a series called "Free". It has a book that goes along with it that is very good and helps you find what is holding you back from truly being free. The bottom line, is my past hurts (letting go) hold me back from a fully free existence. And the funny part is the more I acknowledge this and recognize it, the more I find it difficult to break completely free. But in the end, it is a decision. To. Be. Free. I know I can do it. I know I can't control anything outside of me. I know God will show me if I am going down an incorrect path. PRAY and PRAY again when you are unsure of a decision. I'm learning this is the only way to know you are going down the right road. At this point, I honestly think he is becoming a better person. I certainly know I'm a better person and sometimes, things happen in your life to push you into God's path. I think this is why things happened. God kept nudging me, and nudging me, and when I didn't listen, he smacked the crap out of me. I woke up (and as painful as it was) I shed a lot of crap from myself that was not healthy. I was almost reborn again in a sense. And THAT brings me immense joy and happiness.
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